More than just dialogue

I had a client recently who wrote an awesome short story. The only issue was, almost the entire thing was lines of dialogue. Although he got the idea of the story across, it left me (as a reader) wanting more. Writing dialogue is its own challenge, but when your characters have a lot to say, how do you make sure your readers see the whole picture?

Setting

Starting a story mid-conversation can be a great way to engage your readers. However, you have to remember that your readers are coming in cold. They don’t know anything about the characters, where they are, or what they’re doing. Don’t fall into the trap of having your characters provide this context as part of their conversation – if somebody in real life was to say, “I’m so glad you could meet me at this café this morning to talk about the drama between our friends Tony and Mabel,” it would feel pretty unnatural, and it feels unnatural in written dialogue, too. Instead, introduce elements of the setting in between lines of dialogue. For example, maybe a character stops speaking to allow a waiter to clear the table, or the sound of a coffee machine might be heard in a moment of silence. The quality of light in the space might indicate the time of day and/or the weather. A character might notice the colours on the tablecloth as they consider what to say next.

Choosing when to reveal part of the setting also allows you to manage the pace of the story – we read lines of dialogue very fast; slow things down with details of what else is happening.

Action

People are very rarely still, especially when having a conversation. Our hands move around to emphasise what we are saying, our faces move, we might jiggle a leg, turn our body, adjust our hair. These actions can complement the words your character is saying, and might reinforce or challenge the meaning that your reader takes from the story. For example, the phrase “Tony told me he didn’t like your gift” could be delivered in different ways depending on the context.

               Annabelle leant forward and lowered her eyes. I could tell she was trying to look at anything except me. “Tony told me… he didn’t like your gift,” she said.

OR          Annabelle stuck out her chin, the way she always did when annoyed. She tossed her hair back, looked me in the eye and said, “Tony told me he didn’t like your gift!”

The action may not be taken by a character, but by a bystander, an animal, even an item (a clock ticking or a branch tapping the window). Action and movement give clues to the reader about setting, personality and mood.

Emotion

When speaking, a lot of what we say is carried by the emotion in our voice. This is true for writing dialogue as well. Think about the volume of your characters’ conversation, and how it changes. Think about when to include silences – pauses, interruptions, someone changing their mind about what they are going to say. The hesitations in speech can carry a lot of the meta meaning of a conversation, including the relationship between the participants, the importance of the topic, the appropriateness of the location or the content, and so on. Emotion can also be conveyed by facial expressions and other body language. When you are writing a conversation, think about your character’s hands, eyebrows, posture, etc. Try acting out a conversation in front of the mirror and pay attention to the subtleties of movement you make. You might feel embarrassed or burst out laughing – notice what your face and body do when this happens.

The five senses

It can be easy to forget that (for the most part) our characters live in a three-dimensional world and experience the full range of physical and emotional sensations. We often write visually and aurally, detailing what can be seen and heard, but including smell, touch and taste in between lines of dialogue can give readers a fuller picture of the scene. Perhaps a character is having trouble getting their point across because their friend won’t stop remarking how delicious their croissant is. Or somebody gets given a coffee made with soy milk by mistake and it interrupts a whole conversation. These small moments help make your story relatable, even if the characters are unicorns or on a distant planet.

Other verbs for “said”

I often see authors try to vary their language by using other verbs instead of “said”. However, a lot of these verbs, like “laughed” or “sighed” are separate actions from speaking. If you try laughing a sentence, or sighing a sentence, you’ll see what I mean. Often it’s better to separate the speech and the action.

NOT       “I can’t believe you just did that,” Qing laughed.

BUT       “I can’t believe you just did that,” Qing said, laughing.

OR          In between gasps of laughter, Qing managed to say, “I can’t believe you just did that!”

I pointed out these and similar issues to my short story client, and suggested ways he could make his story more than just dialogue. He took my advice – when I saw the story the second time around, I was impressed with the improvement.

Remember, whether a short story or a novel, fiction or fact, your work will benefit from another pair of eyes. Pop on over to my Contact page to arrange an obligation free chat about what you’re working on and how I can help.